Guilt from the manner in which I reacted and ran. Two wrongs never make a right, they just make a complicated situation that never resolves itself. I, me, have wronged many. We can sit, and point our fingers at others, and make excuses for our behavior and reactions, but what good does that do? "Let it go" is easier said than done. Today, I spent hours aimlessly walking about a foreign city that is slowly becoming familiar, and all I could think about was how I wish I could redeem a character that has been misspoken of- me, mine. However, as I sat on the Red Line, I began to think this: The guilty, the liars, will scramble and reach out to any ear that will listen so that they can make things "right."
I did this once, but not with the intentions of recovering myself from a lie, but rather trying figure out how I had gotten into a uncomfortable situation. Now, almost a world apart from all that was my life, I sit back, silently, and let those that once proclaimed friendship to me make up there own minds. I miss so many people, people I thought to be "friends" but it's funny how that can all disappear from just a few seeds of deceit.
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There will be no reaching out, grasping for the affection of those that wish to have no contact with me. My question, why? Even greater, my response to the unknown, "it doesn't matter." I am the same character, flawed, loving, grateful, forgiving, strange, up and downed individual. I'll continue on with the images I capture, the words that I write, and the relationships that come and go throughout this thing called life.
Today, I had to learn the one thing that is preventing me from personal growth; self forgiveness. It hurts like hell, but so does holding on to a life that I thought was real and sincere...and it's
tearing away one layer at a time.
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