Photoless Entry.

The days are becoming shorter...the wind is birthing a more brisk force that leaves noses and cheeks with a cool kiss. I can't help but be reminded of the darkness that has settled within my own being...even my body, feeling numb like its been soaking in a tub full of ice.

I adventure out, for short periods of time as of lately. Pondering a plethora of things...playing the waiting game here in Boston now, 3,500 miles away from "home." There's a daily routine of the "what am I doing"s?

There's no shame in the tears that come and go on a daily basis. I expect them really, it's the one moment that I can be real with myself, and the vulnerable place I am at right now in life. There's healing to be done, and for once in my life, I'm doing the best that I can to NOT numb them...suppress them...dig them deep down in the dungeon of this heart of mine. Facing a long battle completely sober- no hiding. It's a wake up call...

Once upon a time I spoke of these "rooms" that I had stored away inside this heart of mine. Some occupied, others vacant, covered in spiderwebs, untouched and the one that used to have dwellers has vanished.

There's no photo for this posting. There's no image that I could capture in a honest way that would be able to marry these words. I suppose you could say that it's been a hot minute since I have written anything, and needed to verbally purge.

My dreams as of lately have been haunting. Faces that I don't necessarily want to forget, but need to set aside appear to me almost every night. I wake up, pull myself from a realistic dream state, and try to forget them...but not abandoning the love I have for those that I have hurt, yet still care for. Urg.

I have a good friend coming out to visit me from Portland tomorrow. This visit is so needed, and I am looking forward to a familiar face and arms that can meet my embrace. I can't wait. That is some good news..

©brokenimagery