If your dad, and my mom would do it...(a joint recollection of Pamela and Merri's from 7/4/10)

©brokenimagery

The coals in the BBQ looked like they still had some sizzle. Pamela and Merri had just arrived back from the "Wall" - a local spot on the water that held the fireworks' view from the sky above and reflected sea below. It was spectacular. Now it was late. They were hungry. Really hungry.

At this hour aside from the dogs in the fridge and the mustard on the counter, straight from France, no less there was nothing edible to be found - their choice was clear.

Merri felt the air above the grill. "It's warm," she said. Pamela was busy smoking while balancing on the second floor deck rails but managed to say, "Let's do it!"

Merri put the dogs on the warmish grill. They waited. The dogs stayed cold. Even Chelsea, the dog-dog, was disappointed.

"Let's re-light it," someone said. "What a great idea," someone else said. Pamela threw a few matches on the greyish blackish coals. Nothing happened. At all. Then Merri added paper from the BBQ instruction manual. Pamela was able to light these but alas, the coals stayed dark.

There was the canteen of lighter fluid sitting innocently on the top shelf in the sun room, which led of course, to the girls' eye view. The next thing they remember is Merri holding up the lighter fluid ala Vanna White in the doorway with a questioning expression saying to Pamela, "Hey, my dad would do it." To which without missing a beat Pamela responds, "My mom would do it."

Farm kids learn all sorts of alternative methods to solve problems. Pamela and Merri were merely relying upon their heritage, or so they thought.

Remember the dogs were still on the grill.

Merri poured lighter fluid on the coals, and perhaps a couple of dogs. Pamela threw in another match.

Suddenly, the BBQ light up reminding them of Boston's 4th of July show they had just seen. It ended rapidly.

Since the dogs light up, along with the coal. They thought they were ready to eat.

Pamela, having perhaps a tad more risk taking behavior in her personality make up or, maybe just because she is 26 and a Pearson at heart, decided to throw her dog on a pre-dressed bun that was just waiting for its dog to nestle in the French mustard.

Merri, moving somewhat slower, was merely taking her dog and placing it on a plate. She was 43, after all, and even with the Pearson genes, she could not keep up with the athletic Pamela.

While balancing on the rails, Pamela jumped down into the plastic lawn chair and took a bold big bite. Merri looked up at that very moment to witness the seven shades of pink, purple, and green that passed over Pamela's otherwise angelic face. Her cheeks were full of unchewed dog. Suddenly Merri's brain cells started functioning and she ran to the lighter fluid and read the back of the plastic blue and white can with a red directional cap. DANGER. DO NOT INGEST. CALL POISON CONTROL IMMEDIATELY. To which she quickly ran to Pamela and shouted "Don't swallow!!!!", while pushing her toward the kitchen sink. Pamela hacked and spit out the slightly chewed dog, bun, and french mustard, contents onto her plate while Merri started cold water running in the sink so that the rinsing process could begin.

After a moment or two, the taste was overwhelming to Pamela. She was gagging and spitting and still a bit green. Merri wanted to help but didn't know what to do. She looked around the just moving in madness that was her kitchen and saw a bottle of Cragganmore Whiskey from the Spey Islands in Scotland. She grabbed the bottle, pulled out the cork, and thrust it at Pamela stating "take a swig or two, it will kill it!". Pamela took a big swig, or two, or three.

A few moments later, both cousins were still alive. Chelsea, the dog-dog, was curled at their feet happy the drama had passed. They sat quietly in the plastic white lawn chairs, with Merri periodically checking Pamela's pulse, and came to a conclusion.

"Next time I say my dad would do it," Merri said; "and next time I say my mom would do it," followed Pamela; "let's not do it" they said together. Aye.

Note: WE love our dad and mom but we recognize the farm solutions may not be the best in urban areas. And we are not 100% positive they would've actually done this but both of us have seen pretty cool alternative solutions that work and some that haven't... Smile.