"...under all of that bland gray, is a world full of vibrant fresh life-"

The corners of my life have slowly corroded over the past two years. Even before that there was nothing to see...just a girl, kind of a mess, layers of masks hiding a deep pain of self worthlessness and belonging. Some would tell her that they see something underneath it all, life, beauty, and something very lovable.

I allowed others perceptions of me to cover up who I really was. Pastors trying to fix something that they couldn't- a chemical imbalance that couldn't be prayed away. A slew of doctors that all thought they had the magic potion, treatment, or words of wisdom.

The ripeness of my adolescents was purely bitter...like a bad bite of rotten fruit left in your mouth after an anticipating good bite. As I grew, so did my knowledge on how to handle this roller coaster called life. You grow a family in addition to the one you have, and you love and embrace the one you were born into- dysfunctions and all...but furthermore, you embrace yourself and all the fucked up things we feel and go through- some say what doesn't kill us makes stronger. A lot of people say all sorts of things, we try to make since of our chaotic moments and find a purpose within it, if we're lucky we can find a way to embrace it, good and bad, and let LIFE teach us lessons...not some self-help book or a board of members that have "P.h.d" at the end of their names...(JW you are excluded from this.) Sometimes we are our best teachers- that voice that ever so gently speaks its thoughts deep in the core of our beings...listen to it.

When I left Eugene, I never looked back. From birth to the death of a girl that couldn't raise her head in the mornings, a girl who couldn't walk down the streets without flash backs of a life that was in such need to be an instant past. Three thousand miles later, I started to see the brightness that laid underneath all this decay, life that never saw the surface...love that was so new, and different, I could taste it- I could breathe it in.

This old garage was once built with the intention of being a brick building. Someone, along the way, thought it would be best to cover it up- for whatever reason...who knows. But slowly, that cement is crumbling away, and under all of that bland gray, is a world full of vibrant fresh life- one hidden years and years ago. It has a new beginning, and a stronger structure ahead of itself...

I could feel the redness of that brick swim through my veins the moment I laid my eyes on it. I wanted to eat it, and digest its vibrancy, its courage and strength. Instead, I took its picture and look at it everyday and am reminded that we choose life, and it's what we do with it that makes it worth while. There is this path that I stand on, its road reminds me of this hidden wall...and I am slowly stepping onto it, one step after another...there is indeed an adventure that is inviting me along the way. I accept, and pack bags with stuff in them, and open my chest up, making sure there's room for all those that I love and care so deeply for...this adventure wouldn't be the same without them in it.