Yeah, it's like that...

They can't say I never tried. For they wanted-- wanted, and wanted more every time. 

Two different times I stepped out trying to make contact with the children- even if it were just that one visit for awhile. I am howled at with tears if their self-pitty...their not being able to look beyond the naive request set before them long ago for the sake of these children they play chess with. I struggle to make it through each day-- but truthfully, the ones suffering the most from this are the adults that are unable to swallow their full meal deal pride and maybe, just maybe, do what's best for the kids.

There is hurt in this life- and that includes the worst of it coming from those we love most sometimes...but that doesn't mean we still don't love.

I was ambushed last night-- in a sense that I was promoted to a phone call that I was told would be going differently. I should've known better-- especially the hour previous to hearing the woman whom had her eyes taped shut while I was ripped her belly the day I was born...laughing on the speaker phone about how the "kids love" me... She laughs. She laughs. They all laugh.

I laugh through my tears occasionally but it's only after I've gone delusional and mad.

It's like nine innings of three strike outs in a row...my arm is tired from only swinging to miss each time.

My life has been nine straight innings of three strike outs in a row...we're at the bottom of the ninth- my shoulder is out of socket, bat is splintered, two outs up on the board, life is ahead (by a lot), and I've got two strikes with only one swing left in me...